Pwnage, Pwndness, and Pain

Three points:

1. I apologize in advance for my remarks to the other teams in our division at the recent Reach Tournament, but there was much righteous pwnage happening at that event.
2. I also apologize to my fellow attendees at the OCESS Astros' after-party for my evinced lack of skills at DDR, Halo 2, and Ghost Recon. I plead inability to play any game that doesn't involve any two of a keyboard, a mouse, and turns.
3. I don't know why I mentioned pain in the title for this post. I needed a third noun that starts with P. Sue me.

Maybe my third word should have been Plaintiff. But that wouldn't have made any sense at the time.

It doesn't make any sense now, either, as a matter of fact.

I still haven't received any comments in response to my offer of three cwt of dung, a dead Indian, and the M4 Motorway. I would like to get these goods off of my hands, as the dung already smells bad, the Indian is putrefying and will soon smell worse than the dung (in addition to breeding parasitic insects), and I really have no use for a highway on another continent. The preceding sentence probably torpedoed any chance I might have had of convincing someone to take up my offer, but I really don't care. I'm too tired to care. I'm too tired to type the rest of this sentennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnblagh.

Plague

I should probably explain my absence from various events like ICS, the OCESS debrief, and the Hybrid tournament over the last couple of days.
The exciting explanation is that I was abducted by aliens while fleeing pursuing Roman soldiers, then dropped back where I came from; although it felt like a few seconds of flight, relativistic effects meant that I missed a full day of events.
The boring explanation is that I was too sick to do much of anything besides complain about being sick, eat applesauce, throw up, and sleep.

It is your prerogative to determine which of the above is the better explanation.

Power corrupts, and absolute power…

Muahahaha! My head minion-ship has placed me in a position of supreme power over the puny members of the Maya Group in Graphics Arts. They are as pawns to my control. They are inconsequential. They are motes on the endless wheel of time.

Now all I need to do is avoid having the power go to my head.

Irregularity

I would take this opportunity to explain away the lack of posts here over the last week, but I would only do that if I was aware that people are actually reading this. Accordingly, the first three people to post comments here will receive three cwt of dung, a dead Indian, and the M4 Motorway. The first three people to not post comments will be won in a police raffle while on the M4 motorway.

Yes, I know that that was a blatant Monty Python takeoff, with no humourous value of its own.

On a note which has no connexion to any of the above save the title, David Morgan-Marr has come up with a plausible explanation of the Stormtrooper Effect.
But some of you (i.e. Jamie) already saw that comic.

EDIT:
Clarification: comments should be posted to this post specifically.

Seren(dip)ity, Self-Aggrandizement

I apologize for the recent lack of posts; my aunt and cousin have come in from Kincardine, and I have recently been engaged in the First World War of my latest Civ IV game, which just happened to start in 1914. That seems just a bit too odd to be coincidence.

'Course, who exactly am I apologizing to? I don't want to flatter myself by claiming a regular readership….

My gratitude to the Language Department for making Serenity the movie for teacher-less classes has been tempered by my dismay at the group of students who insisted on watching Shrek 2 afterwards. I can only thank my luck that I had my iPod, for without the Parachute Game, I would surely have been driven mad with boredom.

Explosions, blackmail, and Giraffes

I must apologize to the Language Dept. and Mr. Derry in particular for complaining about having to watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off instead of getting Latin cancelled today and tomorrow. This apology is owed because we did not, in fact, watch Ferris; rather, we watched Serenity, the sequel to Firefly (R.I.P.). The twin facts that this movie, unlike Ferris, contains explosions and does not contain 80's music make it a much better movie, to which it must be added that I've already seen Ferris twice.

This almost makes me pity the vast majority of my Latin Class, who were mysteriously not in the Aud. No names shall be named… if I hear from **** or ***** about a fee within the hour (jk).

I shall take this opportunity to again point out to Simon that the Giraffe incident was highly amusing. He knows what I'm talking about. Most of the rest of you don't. Enough said.

This post has no subject.

It has come to my attention that certain unnamed readers—that would be you, Jamie—are critiquing the length of this blog. If it makes them/him feel any better, I could add a few pages of Lorem ipsum after the more intelligible portion of each post.

But I digress.

Or would have digressed had I any subject to digress from.

Owing to a complete lack of subject to digress from, the following must also be related to the hypothetical meta-subject of this post:
Where's Willy?
Because everybody needs to know where their money was previously and where it gets to after they spend it.

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Pain

Gaaah! Cold! Pain!

Pain shall also be inflicted upon the OPL for sending me the last book in a series first. Grrr.

Pain was also inflicted upon my hand in English today. Why do my essays always end up being so long — unless I want them to be?

On the bright side, my comp apparently pwns the school's new Graphics Arts computers. It renders exactly twice as fast, which leads me to believe that it may have something to do with its dual-processor-ness.

Oyez, Oyez!

New blog FTW!

…

And you're waiting for me to post what, exactly?

OK, OK, I kid.
Except for the part about not posting anything important.
More to follow